A Dark Defined

A child in the deep, my soul is stubborn.
I cannot recollect a time I was saved.
I suppose if I was a forgetter,
these regrets would cease to bleed me dry.
But remember I will always,
the times I cried, I cried alone.

My lips were dumb, my fear was blinding.
When I spoke I was dismissed,
when I pushed my words, it was a joke...
Or at least to my young mind that is how it felt.
I was never most important,
just a background with the noise.

My heart is sore, my soul still weeps,
and when I sleep I am disturbed.
I reach out, I am put down,
I try again, back on the ground.
My mind in the form of a black plague,
poisoned the only haven I ever held.

Beast with two faces, have you a heart?
Why have you set me apart from the Alpha?
I worked for a smile, yet I loved just to love.
Tried with all the strength in me,
But, still I seemed to have failed miserably...
And I find myself still asking... Where have you gone?

I hear your words with my ears,
but when kindness comes from your lips I am deaf.
Perhaps through time I learned to hate
the reflection from the reflectors gate,
from those years of being no persons problem.
I feel it more now, had I ever before...

I am no longer you or yours to adore.

But my life must go on,
and as I cater to my own wounds
I will think of all that is good in you.
With the golden memories my heart is embraced,
and I find peace in the face of all that was ugly before.
My torment should not last this life.
I know now I will be strong again...

...In peace with the woman who once began
as a lover who always wanted
nothing more than to just be loved.

End.

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I'm not sure what to think of this one.  I like it, but I don't.  Feedback IS welcome.  Oh, and please don't take my writing personally.  I DO write from personal experiences and feelings, but my intention is not to hurt anyone.  Thank you.